When posting about my series, many people had questions. My recent books are M/Mx, M/X, and M/M/X with the X standing for non-binary. All of my characters learn that people don’t have to be one thing or another. I decided to make this list for my queer series because even my alpha readers ask sometimes. These are definitions for how my characters define things. I left off the obvious lesbian and gay, but clarified some that others might define differently. Time to educate yourself!

Here is a color Key:

Orange is for gender identity terms.

Red for Kink & B-D S-M terms

Pink for sexualities

Purple is for sex acts and meds used

Blue is for sex roles

Green is for negative gender terms that may be triggering.

Index of Terms & Abbreviations

AFAB: Assigned Female at Birth, can be a trans man or non-binary.

AMAB: Assigned Male at Birth, can be a trans woman or non-binary.

Cis: Cis-gender people are men and women assigned to the gender they feel fits them. Not trans. 

BDSM: Bondage, Dominant/submissive, Sadism, Masochism (umbrella for kink).

Bi: person attracted to more than one gender, which can mean men and women or all genders.

Bottom: Person who takes a receiving role in kink or in the bedroom. Generally refers to the one receiving penetration or impact in a scene. Not necessarily Dominant. 

Demi-sexual: person who experiences little sexual attraction to others, and usually only to those they have formed an emotional attachment to. 

Dom: Person who takes a Dominant role in kink. Can be a Dom in the bedroom only. 

Dungeon Monitor (DM): Person who monitors kink or BDSM scenes and spaces. Can be a Dom or leader, but are often trusted volunteers who have some training. Some use Dungeon Master, but it’s being phased out by BIPOC.

Dysmorphia: when a person is so upset about the appearance of their body that it gets in the way of their ability to live normally. Beyond seeing flaws in appearance.

Fluffer/Fluffing: Person who gets another ready for a sex scene, usually in porn. Also, Edging, making a person or yourself wait for an orgasm.

Gender Dysphoria: clinically significant distress or impairment related to a strong desire to be of another gender, which may include desire to change primary and/or secondary sex characteristics. Not all transgender or gender diverse people experience dysphoria. (DSM-5, American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

Gender Euphoria: the opposite of gender dysphoria, often in response to being gendered correctly, having a gender affirming surgery or buying clothing you love. (transhub.org.au)

Genderqueer/Gender-fluid: Person who is a mix of genders or outside of the gender binary.

Handler: Person who takes responsibility and leadership of another person role-playing as a pet in kink.

Het: short for hetero(sexual), also called straight, often used as “cis-het” to mean not queer in gender or sexuality.

Impact: kinky play that involves hitting a person with implements such as hands, flogger, crop, etc. Can be sexual or non sexual.

Kitten: kinky person who likes to roleplay as a cat or kitten for pet play. Can be sexual or non sexual.

Masochist: Person who derives pleasure from pain for themselves, usually sexual.

Master: A Dominant person in kink who claims ownership of another. Term that is being phased out as it has slave-owner connotations and is offensive to the BIPOC community. (I do not use this term)

Mistress/Mixtress: The feminine and Non-Binary version of the above. Is not seen in a negative way like Master, but should not be used in conjunction with the term slave.

Non-Binary: A person who considers their gender outside of the male/female gender binary. Sometimes shortened to enby for the pronunciation of N.B. (Note: NB is not used as it stands for Non-Black).

Penetrative: Any time a body part enters another body part (eg. oral sex, vaginal or anal sex or fingers)

PrEP: Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis is medicine people at risk for HIV take to prevent getting HIV from sex. Mostly prescribed for and taken by those who have anal sex, and is highly effective. 

Primal: kinky person who likes to play as if guided by primal urges alone, generally sexual.

Pup: kinky person who likes to roleplay as a puppy for pet play. Can be sexual or non sexual.

Queer: an umbrella term for all the genders, sexualities, and romantic styles that are not cis-het. 

Sadist: Person who derives pleasure from causing or seeing others in pain, usually sexual.

Sex: Any body parts touching, or discussion of said acts, you would get in trouble for in public. 

Sub: Person who takes a submissive role in kink. Can be a sub in the bedroom only. 

Switch: Person who takes a Dominant or submissive role in kink, or top and bottom roles. Can be different roles with different people. 

Top: Person who takes a giving role in kink or in the bedroom. Generally refers to the one giving penetration or impact in a scene. Not necessarily Dominant.

Trans: A person who does not consider the gender assigned at birth to be correct. Can be Female, Male, Non-binary, genderless, or gender-fluid. Transgender person.

Vers: short for versatile, person who does top and bottom roles in sex. Can be different roles with different people. 

X: a gender marker in place of m or f to denote gender-fluid, genderqueer, non-binary, or gender less. Mx sometimes used in place of Ms., Mr., Miss, and Mrs.

Please let me know if there is anything I forgot!